We had some great times. Great moments. Hell, I even believed we were actually going somewhere.
You began to treat me like a thing you owned. A thing you showed off. You smothered me.
Made me both the object of your possession and the subject of your insecurities.
No matter how much you disbelieve me, those could never be grounds for any kind of friendship.
That’s what I saw and felt in my heart to be true of you.
My (personal) opinion was that it wasn’t a friendship. Because no two friends ever treated each other this way, and if they did, they didn’t last very long.
And no, by no means does this single me out as the saint in the sky. I hate that.
But I came out to tell you enough was enough. That I couldn’t be in whatever it was we were trying to have. I took that step. Me. Handled poorly? Sure. But it was the truth. You say you’re mature and grown up and whatever. Well, grown ups handle truth. There was no other way to say “Well sorry I’m out.”
It was as clear as day.
All you had to do was accept it; you could’ve moved on with your life in search of a better me or even a better you.
But you didn’t.
As if I could be tailored in some weird new way to suit you. Or stranger yet, you tailored to suit me.
You clinched your fists and held on to me like something out of a movie.
But the happy ending you wanted just wasn’t there. You insisted and tried so hard, it became nothing short of utter malcontent.
You’ve won all the points for being the soldiering soldier in the one sided battle.
And was THAT ever the problem. There just wasn’t enough violence for you. The spying, the deceiving, the slandering, the threatening, the blackmailing. Just wow. I have no words to describe just how much of a neurotic person lived inside someone I thought I knew.
I put up with it because I felt sorry for you.
It was like each day made it more clear to me just why I pushed myself into leaving you behind. Because I didn’t feel right around you. You’ve justified that quite brilliantly for me.
But it’s okay. Somehow you’re still the victim, and I’m the villain that walked away from you. I’m glad that that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to you.
I broke a promise to you that I would break a million times over. I accept that.
But tell me, friend, what can you accept?
What can you possibly own up to?
Not much I presume.
Tell me. What kind of friend apologizes and then lashes out in rage and anger when the apology is accepted, forgiveness is dispensed, but the outcome isn’t entirely what he expects?
Tell me. What kind of a liar am I really, when you falsely claim to be someone you’re not and try to poison people against me with horrible stories stripped of any and all fact?
Tell me, friend. What back have I stabbed when everything I’ve ever had to say, was said to you and directly to your face?
Tell me. What kind of person emails another person with disturbing phrases describing violent acts to one’s family?
Tell me, friend. What kind of person goes on the all-out offensive to publish written literature about a ‘friend that was never’ in a desperate attempt to come out on top of the mess you’ve caused?
You didn’t just mess up. You messed up after you messed up. You’re still messing up.
And here, I specifically remember this one time where you got me to unfollow someone because they were writing things that hurt my feelings.
What has happened to you? Really?
All this for a lousy friendship that didn’t work?
Are you like this with all the things and people in your life?
I’m not unkind. I’m not unforgiving. You know this.
With strong conviction, I say please don’t test me beyond what you’ve already done. Just because I’m mostly quiet doesn’t mean I will not use every fiber in my being to defend myself one day when the occasion arises.
That being said, I don’t want to be in that position nor do I wish you any harm.
I do in fact want you to have a happy life and I do in fact wish you all the best.
Actually I would love to see you do positive things; I would love to see you live life to the fullest. Without hate. I know that you know deep down in your heart that I’m sincere.
I cannot apologize to you because by principle I have wronged you in no way but an abrupt end. And in my opinion, it had to happen that way.
I will go as far as saying here and now, that if I have truly wronged you then who better than Allah to redeem you your rights? And I pray that he does if I am at fault.
But in the spirit of truth, I also feel I am owed an apology, as are other people whom have been wrongfully effected by the madness.
I will not ask you for it because even in the case that I won’t ever receive one, I forgive you the wrongs you have done me. I cannot forgive you on behalf of others. That is in their hands.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck and prosperity. This is my final message to you should you ever choose to read it.