I’ve heard it once… that beautiful sound…

I want to hear it again…

—-

Many words will simply not explain this. The very entity of words seem to want me to try nonetheless.

I’ve been asked the question: “So, Hamad, what are your flaws?” in a number of contexts. My answer, back then was a simple smile and the shrugging of my shoulders. Quite often, I see that the person asking me ends up thinking that my answer pertains to being elusive, and quite contrarily, it is far from that. As simple as it may seem, I believe that the simplest questions are often the most profound, and they are often the hardest for me to answer.

Today, I have a smile on my face, minus the shrugging of my shoulders. I can try to explain it much more than is needed, but Occam would be proud of me when I say that the simple question, now has a simple answer. And it is quite interesting, yet strangely misleading, that my simple answer is quite a paradoxical one… and something tells me that Occam wouldn’t mind it this time… not even in the slightest.

Truth: I sometimes feel that the reason I’m here, in this universe, is a humorous one… like I’m being watched, and smiled upon… and I love it.

Truth: I don’t matter… and I love it.

Truth: I feel that I am accounted for, not just by people… and I love it.

Truth: My purpose may change the world, or just myself… and I love it.

Truth: I am myself… and I love it… so very much.

—-

I came into this world, was given a set of parameters (rules) for a given formula (society), and was told that this is how things worked. I grew up. Spent a good amount of time defying this formula and proved it (to myself) wrong on an incredible number of levels, by simply proving (again, to myself) that the base level is mathematically invalid, thus, logically, the chain reaction of invalidity followed very nicely.

And where has that left me?

Lost in my thoughts. The only place I know where things make sense.

I compare myself, my thoughts, against the choices and mathematical equations (mentalities) of other people to see just how sane I am, not how insane they are (I’ve done enough of that, believe me).

—-

Does the formula work? Yes. It really does.

You build a bridge from one cliff to another, and you get across. It works.

How do you build a bridge? Metallic resources and framework, applied using a base of beautifully and harmoniously orchestrated static physics principles.

Or, in our societies’ cases, people.

And when seven billion people in the world choose to cross bridges made entirely of people, it’s hard to see the moral lining. This, however, does not excuse any of us.

—-

I cannot make this anymore clear:

No energy in this universe is lost. (The first law of Thermodynamics)

So for those of us who do not believe in god, your choices are accounted for, one way or another. For those of us who do believe in god, your choices are accounted for… one way or another.

Thus, I welcome you, to Earth. Where you shall be tested.

Should you decide to cheat, you will gain the position you cheated yourself into having. And your choice will fail you, simply because you chose to take something that does not belong to you. Your very self, will not want to have it… and It shall be the responsibility that you cheated yourself to bear, one that you were never meant to be held accountable for. But alas, accountable you shall be held. The world was fair to you, and you chose to be unfair to yourself.

Become a person that makes life hard on everyone around you, and you will have chosen to surround yourself with hardships and misery. Become an absolute blessing and joy to everyone around you, respectful and good in every sense, and you will have chosen to surround yourself with joy, respect and that which is good. Your choices matter. They have more of a meaning than you’ll ever realize. But there’s only so much I can say to you, you have to wake up and see for yourself.

I am not your enemy, friend.

The price of the solution? “Gratitude will suffice,” he says to me.

Thus, gratitude will suffice, I say to you.

Solution:

Make every little or big thing that you say or do to anyone or anything, count, not in substance, but only in yourself. Know that if it is all energy, and energy is the one thing that can never be lost, then only that very same energy is of real value, and all else… is simply and inevitably lost, as all else was created by us, and shall undoubtedly die with us.

Be true to others, by being true to yourself.

—-

Drained was a personal project I started a little over a year ago. I needed it as much as it needed me.

The purpose of it was to drain my mind of all the clutter… all the noise… all of what I’ve been programmed and taught to say and do. (Depicted nicely in my clever banner.)

This was of course, in order to see more clearly how I could live a better life, and more importantly, be a better person.

I don’t think I’ve ever had anything in my life change me this much…

The purpose has been served, and like all things that have served their purpose, it must now end.

I’ll never forget what this blog has done for me. I’ll never forget the people that have helped me through it.

I thank you, every one of you.

—-

“The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.” -Oliver Wendell Holmes 1809-1894

—-

Music: Hoppípolla by Sigur Rós

The tides have turned,

and once again, I am driven.

—-

So things have changed for me recently… I have decided earlier not to pursue further education abroad for reasons that are of personal nature, but instead, to apply myself in the working field, which will put me back into a steady routine. I’m treading on different waters now, and if I find that I have some free time on my hands everyday, I’m going to manage that extra time into something more ‘self-pleasing.’ Although that is an interesting choice of wording, I’ll go ahead and overlook it.

I’ve been having this strange urge to try something I’ve never really tried before. I’m very attracted to anything with a middle-ages setting, as I believe that the period offers a great dynamic for ‘self-exploration.’ Yet another oversight. The reason is because, I believe, that the amount of distraction back in those days is neither too great nor too negligible, in fact, it seems just enough to serve as an adequate challenge in understanding the world better through understanding one’s self. Thus, I’ve been meaning to write a fully structured story set in the middle-ages. I think it would give me countless hours of swimming within my own imagination and at the very least, it’ll be interesting to test my limits, so to speak.

I’ve never undertaken a task this big before, and I’m very fond of seeing through any task that I give to myself. I’m certainly excited about it!

I’ve got a slightly valid feeling that it won’t turn out as great as I’m thinking it will, but I’m hopeful, and one must start somewhere, is that not so?

—-

Artwork: AndreeWallin

A song inspired me to write this, as the lyrics to it are of a very different nature. I don’t usually do this, but I must say, this is the exception to my rule, if any, and there’s a first for everything I suppose.

—-

Cass Lowe is an interesting and extremely perceptive artist. He has incredible choice of words when writing his songs and they trigger big thoughts in my reportedly even bigger head. (I wish that was a compliment, the scale however is not the least bit metaphysical unfortunately.)

Of course, the passion he brings to his music speaks very much for itself, and I will most certainly fail in trying to put any of it in the form of words. Analyzing his words, however, is something I can do.

—-

Wrote you a song by Cass Lowe

Click the play button above.

—-

The song, to me, defines man’s most infamous mortal enemy. Man’s very own self.

There is no shame in being ignorant, for we are all born that way. I often hear people using the term very loosely, and mostly in a negative light, as if they themselves came into this world – all knowing. Ignorance is a very normal state actually, and pride is what I believe to be the cause of man’s downfall.

See, we are in fact ignorant. And those of us who are more knowledgeable tend to grace us by pointing out what we need to see or hear to be brought out of darkness, and they can be anyone, younger or older. What stops you from seeing or hearing what you ought to, is your pride, thus, you. Which is why your greatest enemy is, ultimately, yourself.

Incredibly, sometimes knowledge comes to us through subconscious calculations. Have you never woken up on a random day and realized how something works? Or even stared at a baby or animal fiddling with something and come to realize something because of it? It certainly happens.

In fact, everything I’ve written in the above paragraphs is a direct result of something my mother told me once, right after she slapped me.

“You’re not better than anyone else, and no one else is better than you are.”

That simple phrase, stayed very active in my subconscious. Many calculations followed it, quite silently I might add.

Which brings me to Mr. Cass Lowe. In his song, Cass Lowe describes an unspecified man, and also describes metaphorically, what this man’s life is like.

In the room, at the top of your house,

sleeps a man with his guilt dripping out of his mouth, screaming,

“Weigh me down, weigh me down, in case I go astray,

weigh me down, weigh me down…

with the weight of your words,

before someone gets hurt,

weigh me down…”

I wrote you a song.

Such an interesting set of words, to which I have many questions. Part of me believes Cass Lowe has a connection to the man in the song, but that is irrelevant.

And yet, what of this man?

He is special in no way but one, that he sleeps in the room at the top of your house. He could be anyone that we know quite well. Cass Lowe puts us in his position, as he takes note of this very unhappy man for whom, I believe,  he wrote a song.

This man could be an alcoholic, who sleeps with his addiction dripping out of his mouth every night, but I find that this is somewhat irrelevant also. What is relevant, however, is that this man’s greatest enemy, himself, has defeated him, and that this man is now lost to his own darkness. He is the very definition of chaos at this state.

And what of it?

Cass Lowe voices this man, very beautifully, by saying “Weigh me down;” as if wishing to become grounded by some sort of constancy factor.

“With the weight of your words… before someone gets hurt.”

Ah, such an outstanding presence to that sentence. Thus, control… becomes the issue of all men.

—-

All men exist with a profound intent to control. If you believe this to be a negative trait, then your perception does not run deep enough I’m afraid. Control is neither good nor bad. It just is.

However, the implication of good vs. bad is applied when the choices of man begin to ripple, affecting those around him.

The man in the song, however, seeks to eliminate the chaos he is in, and he knows not of the tool which enables him to do so. Thus, he seeks to be weighed down by the “weight of your words.”

Which brings me back to ignorance.

—-

Quite simply, a variable (man) will only realize the true weight of its constants when those constants are removed (chaos). This man’s choices led him to be put in a position where his old constants no longer do him much good, or no longer exist, and his world is now in chaos. The measure lies in the amount of chaos that follows, where, the greater the chaos, the weaker the constants. He cannot go back to his old constants since he realizes how weak they are, he now needs something greater (truth).

(The ideal person would be a constant in himself. Where, if the constants are removed, that person’s variation remains non-existent. Which indicates how powerful his constants originally were.)

In other words, the man in the song was ignorant, and is now seeking some sort of knowledge that he can hold on to.

—-

If, so far, none of this makes sense, it will one day, I promise. Until then, enjoy this piece of art that encompasses ever so beautiful music and wisdom.

—-

Artwork: AndreeWallin

My problem with purpose surfaces, yet again…

In a single day, I’ve managed to alienate my sister, another friend, and the direction of my entire future…

What makes matters worse is… I can’t see how I could be wrong…

—-

I don’t miss my former -socially merry- self, nor do I ever want to be that person again.

I’ve been trying to figure my current self out quite recently. There have been some changes in my life that I haven’t adapted to at all. I’ve been a little tense, stressed and quite lost around them… so I’m going to go back to the way things worked for me.

-

How:

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not that hard to befriend or be around. I simply have a problem with purpose (relevant only to me), and as such, I see very little point in having friends at all. I have friends.

The way I see it, there exists an invisible contract between any two people who seek interaction from one another. This contract states that all and any interaction must be beneficial to both parties. This is achievable only through the exchange of two things.

The first is help. Be it physical, spiritual, and/or psychological. Which involves the concept of ‘question and answer.’

The second is knowledge. Which also involves the concept of ‘question and answer.’

(There is a separate contract for marriage. Which I believe adds the concept of ‘sex’ to the above equation.)

-

Those terms are the only ones I can be bound by when interacting with people. Do not expect more from me, and most importantly, do not expect less. The principle that houses all of this for me is a very real one. The law of conservation of mass and energy.

What on Earth are you talking about, Hamad?

I’ll explain.

That law states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed from one state to another, and that any mass that undergoes a chemical transformation must result in the very same value of the initial mass.

For those of you who want different but similar concepts: Karma. God. Universe. Etc…

-

Ask for my help, and I will do my best to help you under the above mentioned terms, housed by the above mentioned principle.

Ask for my knowledge, and I shall happily tell you what I have come to know under the above mentioned terms, housed by the above mentioned principle.

If, however, you do not need my help, nor my knowledge, and I need not either of yours. Then I see no point in our interacting. Do you?

What is the point of interacting with you at all then, Hamad?

Indeed, a good question. I take a certain pleasure in helping people, provided that I am directly asked for it and that it is well within my ability to. I take an even greater joy in answering hard-to-answer life-related questions, provided that I am directly asked and that it is well within my ability to.

I am not god. I cannot be alone. I have questions too, which you might give me answers to, or help me in answering.

If you, too, take pleasure in helping and teaching other people. Then you and I will have great conversations.

—-

The problematique:

A lot of you want to discuss how you’ve been wronged by people you choose over and over to be in the presence of. I don’t want to hear it.

A lot of you want to discuss the latest in fashion, gossip, what was said, and what was done. I don’t want to hear it.

A lot of you just want to talk. I’m sorry, I can’t do that if there is no purpose.

If I have pushed you away, then I truly hope you understand. If you think I am arrogant, selfish, and every other ill term in a dictionary. Then I hope one day you will realize that happiness comes through knowledge, and knowledge comes with the burden of knowing.

If I haven’t pushed you away, this is my instruction manual to help you understand me better. Regardless of which category you fall under, there is no hate in my heart for you, only respect. That, I promise you.

-

Why:

This method keeps me happy. It is fair to both you and I. There is no room for disrespect, hatred, spite, or breaking of any boundaries. Your world remains intact, as well as my own.

What more could one want?

—-

Artwork: Agnes-Cecile

X: I bid you peace and safety, Damah, man of worldly thoughts. I welcome you to the world of absolutes. What say you?

H: Who are you? Where am I?

X: Not who, but what. You are where you have always been. Where you are meant to be.

H: What are you then?

X: Neither friend nor foe.

H: A mere passing stranger?

X: I am no more strange than the very air you breathe. Your knowledge of me is much so within your grasp, that I cannot be strange to you.

H: What is your name?

X: I have not a single name. I am of endless names, and I fear you shall not live long enough to speak them all.

H: You say you are neither friend nor foe…

X: Yes.

H: Then…  you are truth.

X: Very good, Damah.

H: Why do you address me with that name?

X: It is your name, is it not?

H: I was named Hamad, a name my grandfather bore before me.

X: I have spoken that same name. You did not listen.

H: But I do not understand. They are not the same.

X: Speak the name that I have spoken.

H: Damah.

X: Is it not your name?

H: It bears the very letters and number of letters within my own. And…

X: Is it not your name?

H: Inversed… it is my name, but inversed… why do you speak it as such?

X: It is fitting. I was here long before you. I am the beginning, and your end is inevitable. I shall speak from an imminent truth towards a truth long before that.

H: I understand… if but barely. Why am I here?

X: Do not belittle me, Damah, nor test me. I shall not give you answers that lie well within your reach.

H: What question shall you have me ask?

X: What question shall you have me answer?

H: I ask that you may leave me be!

X: To your perception, be it so mortal, is it not ill to step into the world of absolutes and ask the truth to leave?

H: I…

X: You…

H: I can see that I was wrong. I ask that you may forgive me.

X: Your ignorance is long forgiven.

H: How can it be that you are this fair?

X: The truth must be fair.

H: I see… I have not a question for you, for there are no questions that I need ask you.

X: Then you have come to understand.

H: I have.

X: Very well, Damah, what say you?

H: I thank you.

X: Very good, Damah.

—-

Artwork: AndreeWallin

I went back to Failaka Island earlier this month. It is an island about 20km off the coast of Kuwait City. The island is fairly small, and Kuwait’s interest in it is near to naught. I didn’t think I would see anything new as I’ve been there before, and indeed I didn’t… well… not at first anyway.

My arrogance was shot down yet again, this time by a man in his mid 30′s. This man shall be codenamed Ikaros.

I first came into contact with Ikaros at the age of 15 when I was still in training for my radio communications license, he was also a fellow trainee at the time. Both Ikaros and I passed our theoretical and practical tests whilst all others failed, if but one of them was given a retry. My life took quite a few interesting turns after that, and I didn’t see or hear much of him since. I have not seen or heard much of my former self since then either.

My recent camping trip to the island together with other radio club members had given me three entire days to observe Ikaros, and study his every spoken word, motioned gesture, eye fixture, and subconscious reaction. I do not mean to sound arrogant when I state that it does not take me a single day to understand someone…

Three days were not enough to understand Ikaros.

—-

Ikaros is a former EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal) specialist with remarkable and leading knowledge in the anti-terrorism field. I was able to walk with him alone around various areas of Failaka Island, which turned out to be my main source of information regarding Ikaros’ psych. I’ll soon explain the why and how.

The first thing I always came to notice about him was his tense posture and fast physical movements, at times it seemed like he can’t ever sit still. I would understand this if he didn’t have an unbelievably sharp and calm mind. This paradox alone boggled me for quite some time.

Ikaros is mostly defensive, he blends into a crowd and says little to nothing. If you’re part of the group, you rarely feel his presence. He lets on a ‘just-enough’ level of interactivity, socially speaking, and he does this very efficiently. When a mass conversation is in effect, he will jump in with a one-liner that works quite well, it almost always will make a group laugh and it justifies his presence from their perspectives. Interestingly, he withdraws back into his quiet shell soon thereafter.

He looks down more than he looks up.

—-

On the ferry to Failaka Island, I had a good one-on-one talk with him. He shared with me his unforgiving past and stories of how he became an EOD specialist and how he got pushed into the anti-terrorism field. I got to ask him questions about certain aspects of his job that I probably shouldn’t write about.

One string of questions I asked him on the ferry was:

Have you ever interrogated or interviewed one of the terrorist bombers you’ve apprehended?

Ikaros gave me a quick nod.

“What are they like, psychologically speaking?” I asked.

To which he answered…

They’re all the same. Their intellect is usually outstanding. It makes you feel inferior. They’re motivated by a single belief. You can never convince them otherwise. They’re calm and collect.

—-

When we got settled on Failaka Island, Ikaros bumped into me just outside of where we camped. He told me to walk with him, and I did. We walked in and out of the old buildings and homes, most of which were destroyed and left full of bullet holes during the Iraqi invasion.

Ikaros gave me a very unique tour, unlike anything I’ve ever been on before. The tour did not focus on places or people, nor did it focus on history. Instead, it was based around artillery and explosive remains and traces. He showed me how each site of destruction could speak a very specific story to him. He understands a great deal in explosive-forensics, if you will.

The seemingly limitless knowledge on anything that was ever created to harm a human being that he seems to have is just fascinating. I show him any bullet shell off the floor and he drowns me with details on it. Wiring, circuits, or any weird looking contraption, he showers me with details on them.

How does he know so much?

Rather…

why?

I spent the rest of the trip observing Ikaros from a distance and figuring out the dynamics in which he handles people. That is my own problem, after all, and I thought if I could figure that out, then maybe I can come to understand where he comes from a little bit better.

I noticed that when the rest of the group had trouble setting up their huge radio antenna, Ikaros emerged as a leader to solve their problems on more than one occasion.

He smiles faintly every now and then.

—-

Analysis:

The logic surrounding Ikaros is quite crucial. I’ve been studying Ikaros for quite some time, both on and off Failaka Island. I have figured out the base factors that make him who he is. But as always, I can never tell whether or not my subjects know of these factors, I can only, at best, sense that Ikaros is somewhat aware of them.

Codenamed Ikaros has adopted the philosophy of explosives.

-

I pieced together what Ikaros told me about his past. The strenuous nature of becoming an EOD specialist, much more so when it is taken to the level that Ikaros has, forces you to immerse yourself in such a profession and forget about people, or just enough not to forget that you’re doing it to save their lives at the ever so constant risk of losing yours.

It comes down to this, really…

Disarming a live bomb has two philosophical or mathematical absolutes:

Total Success.

Total Failure.

There are no in betweens, no half outcomes.

Succeed and live. Fail and die.

The harshest odds possible.

-

Ikaros mentioned that, in a live bomb situation, an EOD specialist automatically becomes the highest authority in that timeframe. The highest ranks in uniform will take orders from a low rank EOD specialist in a situation like this. And yes, you thought correctly, it is directly due to those imminent odds.

-

Creating an example scenario to better understand this…

Report of a live explosive comes in, EOD is quickly on the scene. Ikaros steps into the scenario and becomes the highest authority known to that society. Everyone now looks to Ikaros to create stability (If you read my last post, you’ll understand why this happens).

Chaos vs Ikaros’ calm mind (Balance)

Imminent odds vs Ikaros’ sharp mind and tense/fast movements (Adaptability)

Which, in turn, creates the paradox that confused me for quite some time.

Ikaros disarms the live explosive and achieves total success, yet again.

Ikaros is stripped from his maximum authority and blends back into society.

-

For Ikaros to be able to keep doing this, his knowledge on anything remotely related to explosives has to be constantly on par with anything and everything.

The total authority that Ikaros acquires during something like this gives him a taste of what it is like to be burdened by true responsibility. Having him stripped of it soon afterwards keeps him sane, and in turn, creates a very modest, respectful, quiet, and wise person.

The fact that Ikaros emerges as a leader in tough situations confirms his harsh past and vast experience.

The occasional one-liners means he struggles with everyday-people, and is confirmed by his imminent withdrawal into quietness. I think I can understand this easily.

Ikaros is very selective of the people he engages. I cannot understand why he chose to talk to me and answer my questions, I never saw him talk to any of the others about his line of work or his past. All I can state here is that it is truly an honor.

This is as far as I can go, in understanding Ikaros.

—-

Artwork: Agnes-Cecile

Are you prepared?

I wonder…

—-

The humiliating state of subsistence vs. The pleasant state of luxury

Which one would I logically choose?

And yet…

Which one would you logically choose?

—-

They say that entire civilizations have been reduced to the ground in a mere night’s time…

A look at history should confirm this easily…

In which case, one must assume that their own society is as fragile as ever.

And I wonder…

Should my society be reduced to the ground in one night…

What happens thereafter?

—-

Logically, In a state of chaos… one flocks to the person that emerges as being decisive, resolute, and stable. It’s a very natural phenomenon, really. What’s interesting, is how this person came to have those three qualities?

It’s why kids cry when they’re lost in public…

It’s why employees seek instructions from their employer…

It’s the reason why the chain of command exists in a military…

Everyone looks to the person who has the ability to create focus. Decisiveness.

But damn it all, who is this person? and how has this person come to be?

—-

I won’t make it in the industrial and economic world, because I believe that my obsession with truth will stop me from fitting in. I cannot say that “I can be a great leader” in an interview to impress my interviewer, simply because I know that leadership is not a choice. It’s a destined role. One that falls to the person who has experienced the most subsistence.

But that world does not fall into my sights…

The world that does, however, is one that threatens my survival.

I may live in a society, but I most certainly will not adopt their ways. Especially, when they’re all so content with their aristocratic displays. Negativity? Not quite.

—-

Truth

… is simply the end result. If your society, or mine, should be reduced to ashes… the irony becomes far too extreme. And it puts a smile on my face. Because when chaos is applied… the ones who’ve lead luxurious lifestyles and have basked in their high-class statures, begin to look to the ones who’ve lived a mercilessly harsh and unforgiving existence. Those who’ve truly tasted the ground that they have walked on.

It is infinitely simple. The people who have had to master the most basic of survival skills, in order to survive, of course, will emerge as leaders. For, they have lived on zero altitude, and know the earth far better than those who have lived in the penthouses of skyscrapers. I dare say, that these aristocrats will perish not too long after the probable reduction of their ‘society.’

Am I a pessimist?

For simply admiring subsistence? or expecting a probable state?

I cannot say. I don’t think I even care.

But I do know this,

Society’s pillars are not even real, let alone what they’re upholding. If your life is based around the latest in designer-wear and getting yourself constantly pampered. I strongly advise that you reconsider.

Subsistence will save you.

A lost child will cry, wandering aimlessly…

A child of the streets, however, will make a decision and do something that is immediately meaningful.

—-

If you are a parent,

your position becomes unique. You have a child. I do not.

If you want your child to survive the harshest of environments. You will make sure that your child knows how to hunt, swim, track, travel, camp, cook, medicate, and in turn, survive. The more your child knows, the more likely that they are to go on living, whether in a stable or unstable environment.

Do not elevate your children from the ground… keep them close to it.

—-

And so, I ask again…

Are you prepared, O worldly person?

I wonder…

—-

Artwork: Kyomu

I started this blog because inside of me were confusions of unscalable proportions.

With each post, I grow less and less unsure, and the thoughts inside my head become subjected to architecture that is silently relentless.

This post is the exception to that rule.

—-

[Could one come to any knowledge alone?]

This question and I never part ways. It is the one question that explodes into a chain of more questions and answers that all work interchangeably to serve one specific purpose, and that is to answer the question in bold that you see before you.

It did not take me much time to find my logical ground nor did it take me long to resort to it, and I have come to a suitable conclusion. But as is usual with all my speculation, I’ve accounted for human error. Inevitably, deduction, as old Holmes would have it. Both, the most beautiful, and most merciless approach to seeing truth in any mass of all that is confound and complex.

—-

Close your ears…

Close your eyes…

Embrace the silence…

Embrace the darkness…

Now…

Listen,

and see.

—-

What happens when you strip someone of all that he/she knows, and give them a new beginning?

A form of “Adamian” state. Where everything we know does not exist. No civilization, no societies, no people. No human presence of any kind, nor any compound matter that comes to be as a result of it.

Adam will now experience the world unlike anyone or anything you and I have ever known. He shall walk barefoot on soil that is untainted. He shall do nothing but feel, and act accordingly.

He will soon come to realize that he must eat and drink. It will be a direct result of X. [Undefined]

He will soon come to be aware of trial and error. It will be a direct result of pain.

He will soon resort to more use of his senses and put them in trial and error‘s employ. It will be a direct result of wanting to avoid pain.

—-

Based on my logic, this is as close as I can get to describing what the beginning chain of knowledge would be like for an absolutely ignorant human being in an Adamian state, provided that he somehow learns that he must eat and drink. I honestly cannot say what would give Adam the idea of putting food in his mouth, chewing, and swallowing. If anything at all, he probably saw an animal do it, giving him the idea to try it, which in turn eliminated the pain in his stomach that we all know as hunger.

Assuming that trial and error does not bring Adam to death too early, he will ultimately come to the state I like to call “Survivalist Adam.”

At this point, all Survivalist Adam knows is that he must eat and drink to survive, and avoid pain by relying on what he knows through trial and error and sensational memory. His senses will become sharper and sharper, making survival a very clear instinct in him.

—-

Now, let’s make matters more interesting!

We’ll add another human being to the picture!

I’ll get creative and call her something like…

Eve.

Of course, the terms are the exact same. There is nothing but natural instinct, and absolutely zero influence from any otherwise knowledgeable entity.

This is where things get predictable!

Survivalist Adam sees Eve.

Survivalist Adam is consumed by his desires. Eve performs a mating call because she is also consumed by her desires.

And thus,

offspring.

But this is too simple of a hypothesis and very much lacking in detail.

We cannot forget that Survivalist Adam, is still very much a survivalist. He is a dominant male that would potentially kill Eve at the very sight of her, should he feel threatened. But he is a survivalist that has learned to use his senses. Which means he will watch Eve first, study her every move before he concludes anything, and he will do so with his best interests in minds. His survival will come first and foremost.

—-

Providing that Adam and Eve don’t kill each other [Déjà vu...], their offspring will flourish. The children will grow and learn from their parents. They will expand upon that knowledge through yet more and more trial and error. And the cycle will continue as such…

The acquisition of knowledge will become a constant… until the end of time.

Now, realistically speaking, this is all a very unlikely scenario. Because Adam will not survive the trial and error process. Something will kill him eventually. And if Eve is anything of a survivalist (which she probably is), she will kill Adam herself in order to get to that which will quench her thirst and satisfy her hunger.

It could be argued that if knowledge-less animals can live with each other, be it a pack, flock or colony, then knowledge-less humans, too, can live with each other. This argument gives even more meaning to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. But ultimately, I cannot see how beings of such relatively complex emotion could last up to this point in time, it just doesn’t add up. Human beings eventually realize their emotional range, bringing them to operate only in their best interests!

Adam will kill Eve.

If she doesn’t get to him first.

—-

Now, I’ve established in an earlier post, that knowledge brings about emotional stability and that they are directly proportional to each other.

So, by way of logic, if I am here writing this, and you are here reading this… then Adam did in fact survive the trial and error process. He did not kill Eve, nor did she kill him. They had offspring, and the cycle is still in effect.

By way of logic, I conclude that Adam was given knowledge that he most likely used to teach his offspring how to live.

—-

The point of this is not to speculate on how, by whom, through what, or from where Adam could attain any knowledge. Only to establish that he did indeed have it. And that it explains perfectly how man could make it this far.

The question at the top of this post still stands, as truth cannot be fully grasped.

If Adam’s offspring could not grasp the knowledge he had in its entirety, then logic will tell me that it had to die out.

If we’re still here, it means that the same knowledge had to be re-given to maintain the continuation of human beings.

And if it died out again, then it had to be re-given yet again.

And so on…

—-

Do you know where knowledge last came from?

—-

Artwork: AndreeWallin

I’ve learned that any – one – truth is infinite,

and that any – one – truth cannot be fully grasped.

—-

In the face of everything that is, was, and will most likely come to be, all is both relevant and irrelevant. I’ve been distant with many people, some people I have not bothered letting in… others I haven’t even bothered getting involved with.

I have developed somewhat of a psychological formula that keeps me on my legs. But I can’t ever seem to map it out in words.

I constantly fall back on numbers and mathematical logic to help me make sense of it all. It has been pushing me towards the inevitable disliking of words.

They’ve done nothing but cause trouble for everyone, including me.

So lately, I’ve been asking myself…

What if the entire human race was unable to communicate in linguistic form?

What if the entire human race…

lost its words?

—-

You see… if the problem always has been, and always will be the truth… then the obvious solution would be to eliminate the medium in which the opposite of the truth is created in.

Truth is infinite.

Language tries to describe truth, but because any matter of truth is infinite, language will never grasp the fullness of said truth.

Thus, every outcome born of language does not equal the truth…

or, is, by way of inevitably, a form of deception… (because 0.9999 =/= 1)

eliminate language…

eliminate deception.

—-

Thus,

I am pointed in the direction of asking…

where… could I possibly ever say that 1 = 1?

and then…

I smile.

But of course, maths is not a language. It is the ultimate tool by which value is measured and defined, far far away from the shackles of controversy, opinion and debate.

—-

If you’ve learned anything from this or any of my other posts, then that alone is enough for me and you can stop reading now. However, if you’re interested in why I consider this post to be somewhat personal… I’ll explain why.

For quite some time, I’ve been unable to let new people in, even though I find myself very able to engage with people on whatever it is they expect me to. Relationships never work for me. Social events are an utter waste of my time. Pretty much anything that involves people outside of a classroom or a function with a high purpose, unsettles me.

I just really don’t see the need.

Few people understand, most others do not want to.

-

It wasn’t always like this of course…

I had tons of friends, just like you…

I was into going out, just like you…

I had the latest stuff, just like you…

The realizations kicked in when I emphasized truth…

Friends hardly knew what friendship is…

Going out to common places is superficial and meaningless, if not completely empty and pointless…

The latest stuff kept me busy… it also happened to just keep me from seeing all the real stuff…

And slowly, I began to pull away… away from it all.

-

Much like all of this psychobabble…

I can feel myself coming to the gradual letting go of words.

And before you make me out to be a psychological wreck, I assure you, I have not decided to become mute, and I’m content with myself.

The person I am will respect your space by default, that is, until the person you are intently chooses to cross mine.

-

Maybe I’m not so right about any of this… just maybe…

—-

Artwork: Hideyoshi

Happiness is imaginary.

And imagination is the root of all happiness.

—-

It is infinitely amusing to know that the diverse mathematics I had taken back in highschool still fuels my constant pondering and wondering.

I went through high-school like any other person would. Had my common share of nonsensical fun with my high-school friends, at my teachers’ time and expense of course,  whilst I gobbled up the mass of information I was expected to learn without ever having to do any reasoning of my own. Sad, but hardly the point.

—-

Around that time, the word ‘happiness’ began to ring, annoyingly and ever so constantly, clear in my ear. Everyone had a different approach to defining happiness. Different people claimed that happiness is achievable through performing different rituals, through different forms of self expression, etc…

You name it, I’ve heard it.

So, being the person that I am, I had to look into it…

So, Hamad, what have you come to find?

—-

In science, there is no such thing as a long-term biological state of happiness for a normal human being. There is only specific chemical-based reactions which make you feel what you do in response to what you experience. In other words, feeling happy is limited to what you experience. The chemicals responsible for that specific feeling don’t last beyond their limited time either. In other words, the feeling goes away all too soon. Bummer? Not quite.

If you feel bad about knowing this, then you, like I, have a problem with your base logic. I don’t know about you, but I have been trying to rectify this for as long as I can remember. And I’m making great progress.

Happily ever after.

Problem solved. If you can’t let go, you need to learn how. (Although it might seem funny, please don’t mistake this for humor.)

So, Hamad, now that you’re done scolding the reader, how does one stay happy?

The answer to this hinges upon too many factors… some that I know of, and others that I have yet to grasp.

But infinity is unattainable anyway. One works with what one has.

—-

I shall waste your time no longer.

Human beings feel their best (happy) when they reach the point of stability. (When I say stability, I mean actual stability, and not getting married and making little you’s… and stuff.)

So what is this ‘stability’ you speak of, Hamad?

A stable human being is a human being at rest. Sort of like when you’re asleep.

You’re not nervous. You’re not in anyway fluctuating in your emotions or reactions.

Where you’re extremely close to being a consistently straight line. As opposed to a sine-wave-like line.

etc…

Human beings become so when they know the terms of a given experience. For example, when someone takes out big loan with a varying interest rate, that person becomes nervous and worried. This is because he/she does not know, definitively, the terms and outcomes of this experience.

Yet, when they take out a loan with a fixed or nonexistent interest rate with a clearly defined deadline (adding the fact that he/she knows very well that they can pay this loan back in full), then this person experiences little to no emotional fluctuation at all. They are, in this way, stable.

So, by way of mathematical logic…

If stability brings about happiness,

and knowledge brings about stability,

then knowledge brings about happiness.

—-

Knowing the truth, in its properly defined form, will keep you happy.

Problem? Yes.

Truth is infinite. We cannot reach infinity.

This is where the beauty and art of the imaginary unit, (i) in mathematics, comes into play.

Most of you will read about the imaginary unit and not understand it, nor do I expect you to… but I can tell you this…

Your imagination and the potential behind your beautiful mind, are there for a reason.

—-

Artwork: Greenrapsody